You are responsible for your own happiness! The first time I heard that simple, yet profound statement it literally changed my life. Those words have resonated with me very strongly over the last several years and ultimately have caused me to make some major life changes.

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Being responsible for my happiness caused me to take a hard look at myself and ask a tough question. “If I am, in fact, responsible for my own happiness, why am I unhappy?” Most people have or will come to a point in their lives where they look around and realize that things have not worked out exactly according to plan.

Instead of owning our lives, our decisions, our circumstances, our relationships, some of us love to play the blame game.  I have done it.  We easily blame others for why things have happened or not happened in our lives. We attached our happiness and self worth to people and in doing so ultimately give power to others that God never intended.  We can place such unrealistic expectations on others that breed unhealthy attachments and relationships.  Then when those who blindly carry the burden of our happiness disappoint us, it causes our world to shatter.

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Several months before my grandmother passed, there was a poem titled, “After A While” by Veronica Shoffstall that she clipped out of a newspaper and gave to me.  At the time I couldn’t truly appreciate the full meaning of the words.  However, it was in the years that followed that I came to realize that the words of this poem actually described how my relationship with my grandmother had evolved over the years before her passing.

My grandmother raised me and was a major influence in shaping the person that I am today.  She was my supporter, encourager, and strong spiritual guide.  She taught me how to carry myself, protect my name, and supported all of my dreams.  Like so many other parents, she gave up her own personal dream to care for and raise me late in her own life.  I remember her saying on more than one occasion that she never regretted the decision.

I think a life well lived is one where we can honestly say that we have no regrets.  Having no regrets doesn’t mean that everything has worked out the way we’ve planned.  It means truly understanding and accepting that all things really do work out for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).  It means finding the purpose and good in all things.

My prayer for us all is that we learn to be complete first in our relationship with God.  It is only in Him, that we come to fully realize who we are and who He has created us to be.  Everyone else that God allows in our lives only adds to the joy and life experiences in our journey to completeness.

After A While
©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

Written by Chandra Wise. Chandra is the host of 97.7FM’s Inspirational Power Hour. Tune in every Sunday from 6a.m to 10a.m.