Regaining The Black Family Structure

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October 11, 2011

Regaining The Black Family Structure

First the unexpected marriage, now a baby! I guess we all have learned to expect the un-expected when it comes to the dynamic duo of Sean “Jay Z” Carter and Beyonce Knowles.


With so many accomplishments and accolades in the music industry, can Jay Z and B be the new face of today’s black family? Can they rise to top of the family hierarchy to be black America’s modern day Cliff and Clair Huxtable?

I guess my real question is why does this seem abnormal? While Jay Z and Beyonce aren’t doing anything new, it does seem a little foreign and old fashion in a society that says “do whatever you want to do as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.” They are simply bringing back the family structures of black families. You do remember the black family structure… husband, wife and then children. Whatever happened to that? In today’s time, it is the mother raising the kids, doing the best she can to stay on track and pay the bills. Did you know that 71 percent of all African American children are born out of wedlock or to single mothers?  That’s a disturbing statistic.


It’s my belief that fixing this epidemic starts and ends with the men. The question is where are the men and why are some so afraid to man up and take back our black families?

But ladies, I can’t let you off the hook either. I have to ask, why are some women so afraid to let men step-up and be men? Could it be that some women (not all) are so caught up on the fact that they can buy their own cars, clothes, houses and raise and provide for their child that they push men away. Yes, black men have been prone to make babies and not stay around to raise them. They would rather pay child support than be the main influence for their children. But by all means, if the father wants to be a part of his child’s life don’t hurt him by keeping the child from him or using the child to get back with him.

But let’s get back to how we as a community can re-gain our family.

Start by getting back to the basics. If you are single and don’t have children, make a commitment to doing it God’s way—marriage then family. Marriage and a family isn’t something that you want to haphazardly stumble into. It’s a step that you want to make sure that you are financially, emotionally and spiritually prepared to make.

If you already have a spouse and child(ren) schedule family time at least once a week. Cut the television off, put the phones on vibrate, and focus on what is really important— FAMILY! Talk, play games, or take walks in the park as a family. Whatever you do make time for family. If it’s a situation were the mother and father are not together, work out a visitation agreement that allows for opportunities to spend the time that is needed.

The next suggestion that I offer is more mental plus action: make a decision that family is important and commit to doing whatever it takes to ensure that it stays in tact and is healthy. Lastly, communicate. Never be afraid to expressing how much you love and value one another. If you have a hard time expressing yourself verbally, write it out. Regaining our families isn’t going to be an easy task, but it starts within the mind and then acted out in the body. Remember, it takes practice to become excellent at what you love.

In closing let’s take Jay-z and Beyonce model of first career, marriage, babies, and living life to the fullest as a model of what it is that we can have for our lives.


Written by C.C. Sands


  1. Rae-Michele says:

    A sad but possibly true theory is… It becomes hard to fathom that doing things the way God intended would make us happy. I have tried it the worlds way (being a single mom) and trust me, experiencing family outside of the blueprint of God is hard (period) Being single parents, our children reap the consequence of our choices. They grow up missing something, no matter how hard we try to cover it up with an opulent life. I love what Chris said about getting back to the basics. Family structure and foundation is very important. It is never too late to start.

  2. Christina says:

    I enjoyed reading the article and am impressed by your stance in taking back what we should have always cherished. Family is indeed God’s design for showing faithfulness expressed. Unfortunately, we live in a society that glorifies unfaithfulness and justifies it as our “right” to do as we please. The consequences of this lifestyle often go unnoticed until someone gets hurt down the genepool and, suddenly, these feelings of resentment by the effected children become all too “real” to handle for the absent father (or parent), futher fueling the flight response.

    To combat this issue of unfaithfulness, we need to model the opposite. Our model of faithfulness first began as God’s design for His people. In Proverbs 20:6-7, God speaks directly to our need for exemplifiying this value: “Many a man proclaims his own loving-kindness and goodness, but a faithful man who can find? The righteous man walks in his integrity; blessed (happy, fortunate, enviable) are his children after him.” The blessings of faithfulness are two-fold in which the blessings are for the husband and wife as well as for their children.

    Faithfulness requires courage, a lost attribute, and work. At the first sign of trouble, our mind and body responds in one of two ways: flight or fight. The lack of upstanding, faithful parents is directly related to the flight response. Consequently, we are left to raise (or teach) children who are part of a lost generation, wandering aimlessly in the wilderness with no direction. It is time that we stand up and speak out with our models of faithfulness in order to leave a lasting legacy for our children that they can carry out as well.

  3. S.J. Walker and April S. Morris says:

    This article was informational to the fullest impact structure. This article is an example of what many people in the world need to know. The truthfulness of this article is amazing in a way which is entertaining and informative at the same time. The struggles that were talked about in this article were many things that are a common factor in todays society that many children,mothers,and families face as a whole.

  4. KJ says:

    This article is so on time and inspirational for our generation, it”s time for us to truly stop and rethink our decisions and get back to the basics as you so elegantly stated! Keep inspiring us and shedding your wisdom on this situation and many more! We need more positive blogs to make us think and eventually change our ways! Thanks so much for your time on this matter! Keep up the good work! THE WORLD NEEDS YOYOU!

  5. Ramona Havis says:

    WOW!! What an insightful article!! We need more positve articles like this one! We all know these are some really trying times for us with the recession, troubled youth and trying to maintain relationships. Thats not even including all the other barriers we deal with on a daily basis that go along with living in
    the 21st century. We all know some of our families are in trouble and struggling to maintain our positve black family structure. This article is so needed and gives us hope for our future and the communities we represent. Please read this article and be proactive and consistant in keeping our black families alive.

    Ramona G. Havis- Teen Outreach Coordiator

  6. Volandria LaShay Cotner says:

    WOW.. Job well done, Mr. Sands!! I agree with the entire article. We as Black families need to get back to the basics! I’ve seen families that are separated and the mother won’t let the father see the children because she’s mad at the father. The very sad part about that situation is that the children really love their dad and wants to see him. Ladies, come on, you’re not only hurting the father but also your babies.. Find some common ground, work out something for the sake of your kids.. It should/will make everyone feel better!!<3

  7. Day-Day says:

    Sands. Sands. Sands!! I just don’t know if you could have made that any plainer than you did. I strongly agree with this article and am very proud of B & Jay-Z for doing it the “right” way! That statistic is very disturbing…before reading this I was not aware of that but I do know that I RARELY run into happily married couples with children. It’s usually a single Mom saying, “naw my baby daddy ain’t this & he ain’t that & all he good for is that child support but I had to take him to court to make him pay that!” Or sometimes I will come across the men in our generation that will say, “yea I got a kid, but I don’t ever see him cause I can’t stand my baby Mama and she this, this, & this!” Well like Sands said…if it was done the right way there would be no such thing as baby mama & baby daddy, yet a Mother, Father, & children with a FAMILY title. I believe that no child deserves to live without the love that comes from a Mother & Father in a healthy family atmosphere. There ain’t nothing like Family!! Let’s just do it God’s way! Thank you for the encouragement my brother! Keep doing what ya doing!!

  8. steven Green says:

    This was a much needed article on a topic that often goes overlooked. The generation today is missing out on the family values that most of our grandparents and parents grew up learning and passed down which n my opinion leads to depression, and stress which in return leads to deviant behavior.

  9. J W Porter II says:

    Though we may say things about Jay Z that we don’t even know if it be true about what he believes or not, he has done it the way GOD initially planned for us to do. Career, Marrage, Family. NOT family, career, with no marrage. I like this bro…

  10. K G Taylor says:

    Wow! Great article! I enjoyed reading this. Keep up the good work!

  11. s. jacksonII says:

    Thanks for the inspirational shout out. Great article. There are so many more specifics that we can go into to expound on this subject matter. There are other circumstances that go into the building of and maintaining the family structure. We need to look at our dating standards, vision of growth as it relates morally and spiritually. We need to understand love and believe that it is binding.

  12. Savvy Life says:

    Thanks everyone for your comments! We love the feedback!

  13. Tracy says:

    Amen! –

    the hardest things to do in life are the right things …. To give up that control and “to let Go and let God” is very hard..

    I pray that I may be blind TO your outside, but blinded by the God on your inside.

    Prayers for Strength and hope to the youth of today – may you choose the “hard way”

  14. A.D. Davis says:

    Man this is so strong! I have been meaning to comment but lost track of time. To echo the sentiments of C.C. Sands yes the family has lost its structure to the fullest and it does go to the men. The hebrew term for Husband was HOUSE-BAND meaning to band the house together. When he is not there its nothing to bring the house together as one. Bro this is a GREAT article!!

  15. Tara Metcalf says:

    Awesome article, you are right about getting back to the basics and doing it God’s way. We do need to help black men to get back into their rightful place as the head of the home. Let the man be the man. We need to be the role models for our children not actors or musician they see on television. We can and will make the difference in our black family with the help of God. Thanks so much for the article Chris. Keep up the good work.

  16. angela b says:

    That is a very profound piece ! I agree in that we must make time for family ! We must also keep God first in our lives ! Awesome job and keep up the Great work !

  17. Antonio DeVaughn says:

    This was an awesome article, I really enjoyed reading it. Eye opening!!!

  18. Ciara Bostic says:

    MY BROTHER!!! This is exactly what our generation needs to hear.. i know personally that having a strong family foundation not only provides stability for the husband and wife..but it teaches their children the foundation and sets the standard for them to carry out in their own lives. i enjoyed reading the article and i believe that if our BLACK men would put this into action WE would be a better people.LOVE YA MUCH!!

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