Have you ever been in a relationship that was perfect and it ended, and the only thing more confusing than it being over was who he married instead? When I counsel people I am still amazed how intelligent we can be from a cognitive stand point, and how idiotic we are as it pertains to emotional intelligence. His decision to marry her was not necessarily made through his intellect, but through his emotions. Oh you didn’t know men were emotional creatures? You don’t have a clue.
Here it is, men don’t marry women they love…they marry women they TRUST. The truth is men are emotional creatures; they are just afraid of their emotions. With this in mind know that the only thing men fear more than erectile dysfunction is a broken heart. All that men have, especially if they don’t have a relationship with the Creator, is their image and persona. They are superman if nowhere else but in their minds. But even superman had a kryptonite and for men it is a broken heart. Here is where it gets tricky. You can be everything that he ever wanted; you are drama free, believe and support his wildest dreams and he breaks up with you to marry someone who seemingly brings him down. Why is that?
[box_light]Men culturally have been trained not to express emotions. To do so is a sign of weakness. What this presents is a person devoid of emotions, but actually the emotions are there, just underdeveloped. When men get hurt, because they don’t have as much experience in dealing with these emotions, they are devastated by the pain, and confused as to why they can’t function.[/box_light]
It’s a pretty confusing when a 6-foot-5-inch middle line backer smiled when he broke his arm and continued to play the rest of the game, but when he saw suspicious text messages in his 5- foot-3 inch girlfriend’s cell phone, he couldn’t stop his bottom lip from shaking, let alone go to work the next day.
Therefore, if a man has ever been emotionally hurt before, he will avoid it happening again at all cost. The problem with this is the fears we are trying to escape are actually the ones we run to. More than likely if you were perfect and he dumped you, the reason was you were the biggest risk to heart break. The more vulnerable a man feels, the more frightened he becomes. If a man cannot feel safe when he’s vulnerable and or be confident that you won’t throw his crying spell back in his face when you get mad, he can’t trust you.
So why marry her and he doesn’t love her you ask? Simple, if he trusts her and doesn’t love her- she can’t hurt him no matter what she does or doesn’t do. Physically, you maybe looking at a grown man, but emotionally you are looking at a kid. How do we fix this? Maybe we need to talk.
Shake a hand; hug a neck you are dismissed!
Written by: Maximus Wright